When to give someone your number....and when NOT to...

Ok, so since it is Valentine's week, I think I get the opportunity to write from the perspective of a 30-something single girl. If this sounds bitter or cynical, please know it's only because this is the week of roses and jewelry and chocolate, and not because I am either of those things...(seriously, God has given me a renewed sense of hope and thankfulness for this unique time of life and the freedom in it).


First off, I must start off with what happened today at church. I attend a medium-sized church (although it's considered pretty large in this area) and in my service there are around 150-200 people. I usually sit in generally the same area (more out of fear of disrupting the assigned seating chart than actually wanting to sit in the same spot each week). Some of the younger couples who I know sit on the opposite side of the church. One of these girls came over during the "greet-your-neighbor" time and wanted me to know that a gentleman from the opposite side had noticed how pretty I was over the past few weeks and had been asking her for my number. Now, first of all, I can tell you that had NO CLUE who this guy was even after she began describing his family and relatives to me (hello, I'm not from here!). She also said she felt very awkward about being in this position but she wanted to know if he could have my number (she also clearly didn't really want to give it to him, which should be a clue). Probably the fact that I was standing there in disbelief/nervousness/insecurity over what I should say only made her feel worse and more awkward. Since we were coming to the "sit-back-down" time, she excused herself by saying, "Well he's not a bad guy, just come over to our side afterwards and maybe we can introduce you. He's here today."

OK, a few thoughts than began going through my head. First, if there was a good-looking guy who came to church regularly, pretty sure I would have noticed him by now. We single girls may not be out scouring the crowd desperately, but after going to the same service for over 6 months, believe me, we at least notice. Especially if he is involved in something, which is way sexier. Secondly, ARE WE IN MIDDLE SCHOOL? No? Then why are you sending another person to ask me for my number? Come over and meet me yourself. It'll be way less awkward on the phone and church provides the "shake hands and greet your neighbor" time, so there you go. (By the way, I did not meet him today or give him my number).

So a few things....
First, if you are married or in a relationship, please think about the possible compatibility of each single person you potentially set up before you actually go through with it. Just because they're both single does not mean they will fit together or that they are desperate. (I don't think this is what my friend was doing, but I'm just putting it out there). I have been labeled "extremely picky" so many times at work because I won't jump at the chance to go out with a super-backwoods country boy who chews tobacco, or the young volunteer who is trying to find his way right out of college and who's dreaming of...well, he's just dreaming. I'm sure both of them are nice guys, but they're probably not the right fit for me. Just sayin'.

Also, do not treat single people like they have some kind of disease because they aren't married or because they don't have kids, like you. They may actually still love the chance to hang out some time or come over for dinner with a family instead of just eating soup or cereal by themselves. We're not all out partying it up every weekend. Singleness can bring its own shade of loneliness and community (in a Christian sense) means hanging out with older, younger, married and unmarried people, and being better because of the diversity. So please don't think of us only when you need a babysitter. C'mon, kids are scary.

I was going to write another sentence to tell the guys to step up, but I doubt they're reading this, so tell your guy friends to step it up, take initiative, and get involved.

Oh, and my friend Genny was sitting next to me, she said, "You just got 2 points, and 3 if he gets your number." If you don't know what that means, you should read this post. It's awesome and true. And funny.

Happy Valentine's Day!! Whether you're single or married, I hope you appreciate all of the people in your life who LOVE you--and most of all, the infinite love from our Creator.